How to deal with toxic and controlling parents: Some parents' morals are so bad that it might become a nightmare for you. Some parents interfere in their children's lives after marriage and make their lives difficult, but the good news is that you can still lead your married life in a good way despite the toxic behavior of your parents. And remember that in this family and marital article we will introduce some of these solutions to you.
Types of controlling and toxic parental interventions
Some parents interfere in all matters related to their children even after marriage. Some forms of these controls are:
Economic control:
Controlling and toxic parents interfere in the couple's economic affairs, and even if they make a small purchase, go on a vacation, travel, or go to a private center for treatment, they have to explain to their spouse's family. Sometimes these parents go further and even want to find out the amount of income and expenses and savings of the couple.
Relationship control:
Controlling and toxic parents sometimes interfere in all couples' relationships. Some of them focus on couples' interactions and ask questions like how often do you go to your father's house? Were you not at your father's house yesterday? How many guests do you invite? And the so-and-so that you just hosted and… they get on their nerves.
Type control:
Controlling and toxic parents interfere with the couple's dressing style. Even if their bride or groom does not have much difference with them in terms of clothing (in terms of hijab), this type of controlling parents still complains about the type and color of clothes and say, for example, “If you want to go to such and such a place, you should.” wear such and such clothes or not wear them”
Controlling personal activities:
Correct behavior with toxic and controlling parents, controlling and toxic parents may interfere in all the personal activities of the couple, that is, all activities such as education, sports, sleep and food, work, and in short, everything is under the family's microscope.
How to deal with controlling and toxic parents?
If you have such a problem, you need effective solutions to solve it in the best way without causing a bigger problem. In the following, we will deal with this issue so that you know the correct behavior in this situation.
Manage your emotions:
One of the most important keys to success in dealing with controlling and toxic parents is to first manage your emotions so that your life is not tense and you can have peace.
It is true that in front of the behavior of this type of parents, your emotions will boil and this will disturb your peace and you will struggle to do something or say something immediately, but at this time, instead of doing anything, first calm yourself down, for example, to Count to 10 or drink a glass of cool water.
Do not be aggressive:
Anger and aggression are very contagious, so when you are faced with the control of your spouse's family, be careful that their verbal aggression does not spread to you and you do not get angry. At this time, anger causes your spouse's family to exert more control over your life, so keep your cool.
Be united with your spouse:
Dealing Right With Toxic and Controlling Parents You and your spouse need to have enough unity with each other as you work through the issues. It is very important to be together and show others that your relationship after marriage is very strong and no one can break it under any excuse. So never listen to your parents' talk about your spouse and ask them to stop this behavior in front of you.
Manage your relationship with your spouse:
The troubles you have with your spouse's parents should not separate you and your spouse emotionally. You must control your emotions and stay in a team with your spouse during this difficult time and prevent any division. Anger, whining and humiliation, all three will cause division between you and your spouse.
Don't play the victim:
Perhaps the easiest way is to look like a victim in front of them, but doing this trick will never help you solve your problems. You should focus on improving the situation and reach your common hobbies and interests and seek help from a counselor if needed.
Don't blame your spouse for everything:
Do not hold your wife responsible for everything, she is not responsible for her family's behavior. It is true that he can negotiate with his family and ask them not to interfere in your life, but it is very likely that even your wife's negotiations will not be effective.
So don't ruin your life and instead of blaming him for his family's behavior, appreciate him as much as he accepts their interference and is upset about it and tries to improve the situation.
Accept three basic things in relation to your wife and how to behave with her. First, accept that your wife is interested in her family and cannot eliminate them.
Be mature:
Dealing with toxic and controlling parents, you should try to be quite mature about other people's opinions. It doesn't matter if you are hurt or not, in any case, you should face the problems of your life with high self-confidence and deal with them.
When you act like a teenager in front of your parents, they will definitely want to change your way of thinking, but when you face them with confidence, they will realize that you are going to do your own thing and They interfere less in your affairs.
Do not enter the privacy of your spouse's family life:
While protecting the privacy of your own private life, respect the privacy of your spouse's family and do not enter the privacy of your spouse's family. The less you know, the more comfortable you are.
Sometimes our own behaviors and our curiosities cause others to enter our lives. When entering the spouse's family, it is better not to bring up your personal and family events and not to be curious about your spouse's family.
Find a neutral sponsor:
If your spouse's family is controlling, you will face various emotions such as anger, fear, worry, hatred, sadness and loneliness, so at this time you want to talk to someone. We suggest that you don't talk about this with your wife because she invites you to tolerate and cannot be a good listener to express your feelings.
Your parents and your husband's relatives are also not suitable for heartache. You should look for a third person who is reliable, impartial and caring, and if there is no one, write down your feelings and read them out loud to yourself a few times.
Set boundaries:
In order to keep your marriage healthy, you need to set boundaries and limits, which are very important. Instead of being silent about their bad behavior, learn how to make your relationship stronger than before.
Toxic parents want to constantly advise you and implement their solutions on you, but it is better to set limits for them so that they do not step beyond what you have set.
Keep the balance:
Correct behavior with toxic and controlling parents, if you have a toxic and controlling family, talk to your spouse and maintain balance in everything such as commuting, calling, texting, joking, etc. Talk to your spouse and agree that, for example, how many times a week you visit each other's families together, or what issues you should or should not inform them about.
You determine the path of the relationship:
If your spouse's family is controlling, take the lead in the relationship and manage their controlling behavior. Put yourself in their place and don't attribute any of their behavior to yourself and simply ignore it. Don't be quick to answer, respect them, make misunderstandings small rather than big, pay attention to their positive qualities.
Do not get involved in their mental games:
After setting boundaries, toxic parents want to make you feel guilty, but you shouldn't give them the power to do that.
They like to scare you to the point where you want to make sacrifices and ask them for help and give up your rights, but it's better not to act like you were five years old and in your childhood because now you are grown up, you have confidence and You can lead life as you like.
