6 steps to peace; Tricks to end marital discord
A 2024 study published in the scientific journal Personal Relationships found that during relationship arguments, taking time to think about the situation at hand can significantly reduce distress and tension and boost a person's “self-efficacy,” or belief in Increase the ability to properly manage conflict. Higher self-efficacy, or one's belief in one's own abilities, in turn increases relationship satisfaction and constructive behaviors in conflicts.
According to Rosiato, the authors of this study believe that most people know which behaviors are useful for conflict resolution and just need time to think about it.
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They gave participants in their research study a mental exercise to think about the following six questions while recalling a recent, dramatic conflict with their partner.
1. Think about why the conflict happened.
2. Think about how the conflict should have been handled.
3. Think about how to deal with conflicts in general.
4. Think about how people in general should react to conflict in their relationships.
5. Think about why this kind of reaction makes sense.
6. Think about what will be most helpful in dealing with future conflicts.
The researchers found that this exercise encouraged participants to engage in intentional and constructive self-reflection, become more fair and aware of their responses to conflicts, and gain a better understanding of how to navigate such situations in the future.
Why is relational mindfulness a powerful conflict resolution tool?
The researchers explain: “Even when people have the knowledge and skills to effectively resolve problems in their relationships, severe partner discomfort or poor conflict resolution ability may hinder their ability to effectively employ that knowledge and become a skill”.
The researchers' reflective practice allows couples to use their intuition to know what is a helpful approach in such moments and to apply this knowledge, rather than making more impulsive responses when emotions escalate.
“Our findings show that when people think about their relationship conflicts for even 10 minutes, their readiness to deal with future conflicts is significantly improved,” the researchers add.
Instead of avoiding conflict and the unpleasant feelings associated with it—which is often detrimental to relationships—such practices allow people to turn to each other and see conflict as something that needs to be addressed. This curbs the “me vs. you” mindset and increases the sense of “teamness” even in the midst of conflict.
In general, developing relationship awareness and embracing it enables couples to continuously evolve with each other, overcome challenges collaboratively, and view conflicts as opportunities for growth and connection.
