How do you help your child when he can't make friends?
next- We all know that spending time with good friends makes us feel happier. Also, spending time with good friends can give us a greater sense of purpose and even boost our immune system and life expectancy. However, when it comes to children and adolescents, social relationships change from desirable to vital when friendship gives them a sense of acceptance and belonging and supports the development of compassion and empathy.
According to Ferraro, quoted by Daily Telegraph, Unfortunately, in recent years, economic and social instability has meant that many children have lost their natural ability to make friends and are suffering from it, and Covid and the cost of living crisis have been effective factors in this regard.
Children's charity Go Beyond, which provides free respite accommodation for vulnerable children in the UK, has announced that since January 2023, 14% of children have been reported as lonely or isolated when they visit the charity. More than 15% of them had low mood or depression and 26% of them suffered from anxiety.
“Beth Parnell”, one of the senior managers of the institute, says: “We are seeing more and more children who are trying to socialize. They have lost their connection with school to a large extent after the quarantine caused by the Covid pandemic. Parents also Because of Covid, they could not take their children to attractive places or pay for attending different classes. Parnell says social media and online gaming have also played a role.
He adds: “No one interacts face-to-face, but you need more skills in face-to-face relationships, even in a simple relationship, because eye contact also applies.”
Steve Biddolph, psychologist and author of the best-selling book The Secret of Happy Children, says: “Everyone needs a friend or two during childhood. These friends are people other than family members who love and value us. which is important for our self-esteem. Also, we learn things through socializing with friends and even from conflicts or disagreements with them along the way of friendship, and this helps us grow.”
The results of studies have shown that when children do not have friends, they can literally suffer from this issue. Brain imaging shows that the same parts of the brain that are activated by social rejection are also activated by physical pain.
So, while the importance of having friends can't be understated, how can you help if you have a child who can't have friends?
Tips to help your child make friends:
1- Get to know your child
Every child's temperament is different from another child. You need to understand what kind of child you have with what kind of temperament. How does he play with others? Is he shy or maybe he has a rough demeanor and isn't great at sharing his feelings. If you don't have a chance to observe this issue yourself, ask our teacher how they behave in class.
Some children are happier with just one or two special friends, says Biddelph. He says that girls usually have a wider group of friends around them. He adds: “Boys can form groups that are less dependent and have weaker connections around shared activities. Girls tend to form broader social groups, while boys tend to have looser ties only around specific activities.” do”.
Knowing your child's temperament will help you figure out what social skills you need to help him and what kind of friendships he likes.
2-Teach and remind your child of social skills
It's important to talk to your child about what makes a good friend. For younger children this may mean exploring examples from everyday life using TV shows or books. For older teenagers, practice social skills with them. “A two-way conversation is very important. Observe and find out what the person is doing or interested in and ask them about it. It could be as simple as what football jersey they're wearing,” says Parnell. .
Introduce life skills such as journaling so that your children can control their negative emotions. Teach them how to express sympathy, how to sincerely apologize, and how to show understanding and forgiveness in return.
3- Work on your child's self-confidence
Shyness and social anxiety can be a disaster for making new friendships. Work on their confidence at home and encourage them to find a solution on their own. Invest time in activities they are naturally good at to boost their confidence. Be supportive and encouraging as your child begins to take steps toward making new connections. “Acknowledge the positive behavior the child exhibits toward peers,” says Parnell.
4- Go offline!
Social media has changed the world and our sense of society forever, and 70% of teenagers believe that social media actually helps them communicate more. While girls may prefer apps like Snapchat and Instagram to communicate, boys tend to prefer online gaming as a way to spend time with their friends. “However, online communication is not just a substitute, and in fact, if your children only have access to it, it can replace real-life relationships,” says Biddelph.
Make sure there are clear boundaries for how long your child spends online and keep devices such as tablets and smart phones out of their bedroom. “Especially with boys, be careful that they don't become withdrawn because of a lack of company,” says Biddelph.
5- Don't rely solely on school
By joining sports and art clubs, children meet friends beyond their school friends and gain access to a new set of peers. “Ideally, if kids have a social activity or interest outside of school, they have a different friendship ecosystem,” says Biddelph. Joining sports and art clubs allows children and teenagers to make friends outside of their school circle. Having several friends from different social groups reduces the ups and downs of depending on just one friend.
6- Make your home pleasant
Help make your home a base for friendship to flourish. “Get to know the parents of your children's friends, throw parties, create networks where adults and children know each other and are comfortable with each other,” Biddelph says. “When new kids arrive, ask simple questions to open up the conversation, like what's your favorite flavor of ice cream,” says Parnell. If conversation is not easily possible, use playing as a tool. If you're brave enough, let them bake as a team for encouragement. Such activities mean that they will have a common experience to interact and create friendship.
Research shows that popularity doesn't really matter, as children who have fewer but closer friendships experience lower levels of anxiety than children in larger groups with superficial connections.
7- Stand aside!
Children need to feel their identity outside the family, especially during adolescence. Take a step back and give them space to spend time with their friends. Worried about peer pressure? Research results show that friends are more supportive of each other's efforts to do good than encourage poor choices. When your child comes to you to talk about their new relationship, listen and ask encouraging questions, but don't overdo it.
Constantly asking your children about what's going on will only make them hide more in their privacy and tell you less. Finally, let them find the friends they want and not just be friends with the people in your social circle. “Kids need friends based on their interactions and interests, not yours,” says Parnell.
